It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
