.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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