time to smoke my breakfast
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
