I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I met the friendliest cop last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
