I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
