happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
