I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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