I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
