My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
