so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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