so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
