And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
