I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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