It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
