I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do vagina's smell?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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