I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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