yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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