Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
