Define "chronic" masturbator.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
