Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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