u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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