youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
