Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You are a genius and a whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
