He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So much Jack, so little girl.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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