Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I believe in your delicious
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
