Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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