i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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