you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
