im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
