i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
