Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
