Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
