Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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