What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
