i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
