Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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