i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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