Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I touched a dick in church today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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