This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im part way to drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
