Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
