SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
