I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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