Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
