I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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