so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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