Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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