grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
