I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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