somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
