you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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