I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
