I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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