Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
