how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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