I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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