just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
