There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
