I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is Oprah even human
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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