Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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