Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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