I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You pole danced in your parka.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
