just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize