They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You made out with two different species that night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
