my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
