Small penises have feelings too.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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