Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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