break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize