Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
