Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
