His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
