doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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