dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
